bloom

how does a person grow?

how does a person evolve?

how does a person, consciously or not, postively or not, progressively or not, develop? over the years that we are to call our life, we find ourselves in a state of constant change. this change is a product of both externa and internal factors; yet, where those external factors may be more comprehensible, the internal factors are the very enigmas that construct the essence of our constant state of trasformation. our metamorphose. old folks back home used to call it something in your genes, or something you got form your momma or your pappy. they would be the ones that would blame my nephew's recklessness on the fact that his father was, and is, and will probably always be, a hard-head. yet, i look at babes now and see only innocence, i see purity. i see a young domincan infant in the arms of his grandfather on 147th and broadway, not crying, not laughing, not sleeping or fussing or playing or trying to talk. no, this infant, in a baggy diaper and navy blue shirt with a puppy on the front, is simply looking around. first he looks at me, then he looks away, then back to the place where i was 4 seconds before, only to find that i have walked on. it takes him a second to find me again, then once he does, with his head only half full of curly black hair, he looks away again, paying me no attention whatsoever. but for 2 seconds, allowing me to be the only thing that existed to him at that point and time. some may say that i'm trying to hard or even thinking too deep. but it's real. over the course of years we refer to as reality, we gain consciousness. and with that knowledge, comes change. and with that change, comes more change. and soon, we die, only a summation of all of the change we have obtained, and all of the knowledge we will ever possess on this earth. a culmination of growth and adaptations. which brings me back to my original question. how does a person grow? how does a person evolve? when does a man look up to find that his priorities have changed? undewr what circumstances does a woman realize that her goals are different?

when did we change the course of our lives?

more importantly, when did we ever set it? i am led to believe that we, we are no different than that which we study. ever. and anything. we study words, animals, history, food, chemicals, clouds, metals, energy, atoms, plants, each other. we study it all, as if we are in a posaition to study. like a fly caught in a spider web, observing the squirrel in the tree. or rather like a baby, beholding an adult. in any sense, collectively, we are lost - and are found only by creating our own makeshift map, of the place we know not how to survey. a realm we don't know how to study. reality is unfamiliar to us, because we are born in it. because, it's what we are. because we only define things based on what it is not, and collecitvely agree that it is not anything else. a chair, for instance, is defined as a chair because it is not a sofa, or a dog. the present, is defined as the present only because it is not the past or the future. these things we know. yet, we cannot define reality, because we don't know what un-reality is. and so, we grow much like plants grow toward the sun, without the knowledge we so seek, but in the direction of the only sure things we know. be it love, or faith, or pain. we hold on to that which is most real to us, that which represents reality; we grow in search of a definition. thus, we alter our lives as that growth takes place, for our evolution is dependent on our internal manifestation of what we hold true, and that which we believe is real.