another type of dude

today i had the strongest urge to holla at a woman as she was crossing the street. and by that, i do not mean a holla like that of subtly asking for her phone number, or giving her an "excuse me miss, what's your name..." no. by a holla, i mean that i was down the block as she was crossing the street, and i genuinely wanted to shout at her. i actually had to refrain myself from simply yelling at her whatever came to mind. and "excuse me" cannot be yelled. or if it could, i couldn't bring myself to yell it in that setting. on the contrary, i had the intense passion to yell, at the very least "hey!" to this woman. but even then, truth be told, i would have added on a "yo", "shawty", or a simple "come here".

i KNOW why i didn't do it. but what i don't know is why i wanted to do it in the first place. true, she was fine as a silk thread and was wearing a dress that was fucking drawn on. and she had something of a glisten because she was walking near a broken fire hydrant where kids were romping on Play Street. now that i think about it, i didn't even want her. i wouldn't know what to do with a woman like that. or, and this is probably moreso the case, had i met her up close and gotten to know her personally, she would turn out to be nothing like the mirage i saw shining in the fire hydrant dew. in hindsight, my urge to yell was simply a desire for her to turn around. hell, she could've kept walking - and after someone yelling at her on the street, i'm sure she would have. but, for one second, she would have turned toward me just enough for her to be disgusted and would venture on her way. and that would have been enough. would have been just fine.

granted, i may be giving her too much credit. looking the way she did, she had to have gotten her fair amount of street hollas by now and has learned the art of entertaining the holla. she would have been just as likely to turn in disgust as she would have been to give a faint smile and a graceful turn. and then there's always the slim chance that she actually come over to me and see what i want.

i dunno. in a sense i may just be changing. over the past year ive been getting a little more in touch with...with...damn, what would you call it, the street? i dunno. for instance, songa i wouldn't have given a shit about in atlanta, i feel the dire urge to get crunk to in the club. it's like an obligation up here. when i'm at a party and i see japanese girls "leanin and rockin" with it better than i am, or latina girls quoting every word to T.I. congs where i only know the verse - there's something wrong. hell, i'm FROM atlanta! they dont even know what the TRAP is!! for another instance, i talk a little different. i mean, people up here have often told me i have a southern drawl; but it seems that every time i come back from atlanta, i come back a little more hood than i left. living in spanish harlem doesn't amke things any easier as i get in touch a little more with my puerto rican roots. i tend to find that possessiveness a little stronger than before, and my sexual nature a little more aggressive than in the past. am i sharing more about myself than i should right now? probably so. but it's cool though. because as i type this, i think it's a way of me admitting to myself that i'm growing into another type of dude.

maybe.

this may all be a joke. a phase that every 22-year-old man goes through as he recognizes his adulthood. or, this could be a by-product of me working out a little more, kind of an arrogance that comes with the knowledge that you can bench-press X number of pounds. who knows...hell, that girl would've known had she turned around without me hollering at her, that's for damn sure. not to mention that i was carrying an air conditioner on my shoulder at the time.

but that's neither here nor there. if you hear me on the street, you'll know it. and if you do, rate my holla. let me know what you liked and what you didn't. i'm open to suggestions and comments as i tinker with the artform.

other than that, have a nice day.