riding clutch

a friend of mine found himself in a particular situation one day and, upon barely making it out, simply said "whew, clutch".
i said, "clutch, well, whatever do you mean by that?"
he replied, "clutch, you know, the guy that brings up the rear, the last person or thing in a sequence. in this instance, i am referring to the fact that i made it out of that situation in the last second."
i said, "you mean, clutch, like the jamaican bobsled team?"
he said, "yes reggie, that would be doug e. doug in cool runnings..."
"wow!" i exclaimed, "that's how i live my entire life!! my life is clutch!!"

that was several weeks ago. and since then, i have said clutch about a number of things. truly, i have lived up to the exclamation that i live clutch, that it is of my essence and physical fabric. i embody clutch. and though i cling to it like a infant embraces an 21-year-old breast, sometimes i find it frustrating. for once, i would like to not get through something by the skin of my teeth, but rather walk across the finish line, taking comfort in knowing i could have stopped to potty along the way but didn't.

but to do that, i would have to hold my urine, or at least not drink alot of gatorade before the competition.

what i'm trying to say is that to get out of clutch, one needs preparation.

for instance, i had to write the rent check for our apartment this month. (the building requires that we only submit one check, so we take turns writing rent checks out to each other every month.) however, all of the roommates, myself included, were going to be out of town for the 4th of july weekend. if i was one to practice extensive preparation, i would have written the rent check early, and submitted it with a letter asking them to hold it until the 1st, when i would be sure all the rent checks had cleared into my account. and then, all would have been well.

but no, that's not what happened. what had happened was, i ended up losing my check card over the course of the weekend, having only enough cash to get me to wednesday night. yet, getting in late wednesday night, i didn't have a chance to go into a banking branch to retrieve more cash. thursday, after my daily battle with the snooze button, i rush to class, scrounging up just enough change to catch the train to school (because my metrocard was expired). yet, upon leaving class, i find that i didn't scrape enough change to get back. so, equipped with $1.65, and a rent check from one of the roommates, i searched for about 30 minutes for anyone that could cash the check. and all i needed was 35 cents. there was no bank of america for miles, no other bank would cash it without an account, and with opening an account with a new bank, they would keep the check for 5 to 10 business days. so i started walking, with my eyes glued to the ground hoping to come across a quarter and a dime.

15 minutes passes and then it happens...clutch. out of 20 people in my class, i'm friends with two and good associates with 6. one of the 6 comes out of popeyes, and touches me on the shoulder as i walk by. she asks me whats up. i tell her i'm stuck in queens. she gives me a dollar. i give her a hug. and it's a done deal. i walked to the train and took it back to the city, where i deposited the check and took cash out to last me until my new checkcard comes.

hence, the jamaican bobsled team wins again. but one has to ask themselves, how often can that type of thing happen before it doesn't come through any more. i mean, how much skin could i possibly have on my teeth?! should i give up the lifestyle that has come through for me time and time again. technically, no one even remembers the front runner from cool runnings, and malik yoba can't be found. the only ones still out there are doug e. doug (kinda) and taye diggs.

maybe the moral here is not to be frontrunner or clutch. maybe i should start aiming simply for shotgun, not overly prepared, but not in the back either. then i can start making movies with sanaa lathan and knock her up before she realizes that i'm not that good an actor.

but then, that would put me right back at clutch. damn. can't win for losing.