in the butt

i was too eager to order when it happened the first time. sitting there for 15 minutes staring at the menu without any type of sign that service was coming soon. i was starving. i was there with two friends, both of whom were also starving. so it was a precious relief when we saw him coming around he corner looking at us. we all even flashed a smile.

he flashed one back.

then he did what i saw as kinda strange. as he went around taking the orders, he placed his hand on my shoulder, asking me what i wanted. not only was this peculiar etiquette for a waiter, but it seemed little deliberate considering where i was positioned at the table. it took a some effort to come over to where i was in order for him to place his hand on me. but all this is hindsight, i was too hungry to care at that point.

when he did it a second time, i noticed he didn't do it to either of my friends, both of whom were female. no, only me. he came over to ask if everything was alright, and he touched my shoulder again. one of my friends noticed it as well, noting that he server definitely had a sweet aura about him. and so, now having eaten, therefore able to think clearly, i looked over to where our server was standing with another, glancing at our table. glancing at me.

"they think i'm gay," i thought to my dismay. disappointed at the thought that someone just mistook me for a gay guy, i finished the rest of the meal and asked the busboy for the check. my friends consoled me by telling me that it was a compliment of sorts. that he probably didn't think of me as gay, but rather just handsome and wanted to make the subtle gesture.

but there was no convincing me. i was smaller than him by a longrun. he was a big ol' cock diesel joker - very able to toss me around his water bed in the deck of his boathouse or some shit. he would have wanted me to be the taker, and that was just a very disturbing idea. or, on the same token, his sexual persona may be contradictory to his physical appearance. maybe he wanted to be tossed around, and me be the giver, a thought that is equally disturbing.

i cringed all the way through "brokeback mountain".

but i'm not here to argue justification or "right and wrong". i'm simply stating my opinion. and as it stand, as i have stated so many times, homosexuality does not disturb me. if a dude likes the penis, so be it. as my brother so politely puts it, "if one dude is gay, that means another chick is single." what does disturb me though, is the tendency to act female. being gay is one thing, but being a woman, when in fact, you are a man. does taking it in the butt really trigger a gene that creates one to have woman-like tendencies by cultural standards. is it a matter of satisfaction? is it not enough to have the personal consciousness of one's sexuality that one must go and parade it by acting as though they have a vagina? in most cases, acting more female than most females, creating an exaggeration that's almost embarrassing to the opposite gender. are "homosexual men that act like women" caricatures of females, presenting an image of the american woman that modern day women are initially trying to change? could it be argued that these "men" subconsciously work against the womanist agenda, unknowingly fight against the feminist cause, and ignorantly destroy progress made by activism simply by portraying an image of what they believe a woman to be, demeaning Her to a pile of certain actions, reactions, words, and behaviors. is that all a woman is?

again, these are only my opinions and concerns. and where many may not agree with them, everyone has that right. as a young man, my thoughts are likely to change over time. hell, in years to come, may find myself to be wrong. it wouldn't be the first time. nonetheless though, waiters should not be touching the shoulders of their customers, or anywhere at all for that matter. this i stand by whole-heartedly.

everything else is up for discussion.

have a nice day.