four blades of grass

writing isn't difficult. writing everyday is.

i learned this from professor stewart at morehouse college, during one of the three semesters i was with him. creative writing is a bitch. according to stewart, there are three things you need to do to become a writer. read, write, and live. everything else just kinda picks up after that. and it's true. everyday, during my tenure of that class, he would ask us to write anything every day. and that was fine for the first week or two. but it got difficult was around wek three. week three, i didn't have anything to write about, no motivation to write, and no intent on sitting in front of a pen and pad to write about nothing. i just didn't want to. but after eating three or four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, an episode of the simpsons, a curious dab into a porn clip, and learning how to scratch the back of my neck with my big toe, i finally sat down that week 3 and wrote something. i don't really remember whether it was good or not. but it was something. and thats all that mattered. i went to bed happy that night.

i'm saying all of this to say that i didn't feel like writing just now. but i knew i had to. half the time i want to write, but can't because it's not convenient, or because i don't have enough time, or because i don't have the paper, or the pen, or the computer, to write the way i want to. and a few minutes ago, i went to my blogsite and determined that i didn't want to write because it looked bland. i played around with the colors and tried to find more pictures to add. and just just now, i was going to say "fuck it", let me just start a new one or something. one with theme and story. one with chapters and parts. one that makes people want to come back to find out what happeed to the little blind girl, or who murdered mrs. johnson, or who's left the toilet seat up in a house full of alcoholic lesbians. i wanted to create suspense and drive and plot for the readers of this fine blog! i wanted to do something new and exciting with fourbladesofgrass! maybe call it FIVEbladesofgrass! i wanted to do it all just now. i wanted to change it all to make it better than before. this blog had to have something to make me write. to make me update and share. i was looking for motivation here and didn't find it.

but that doesn't really matter does it.

truth is, if i ever plan on being a writer some day, and i do, i have to learn how to write when i don't want to. i have to be able to write when i'm too damn tired to think. when kids have been in my face all day asking me about test grades. when the winter bitch of new york cums across my face with every breath i take. when i get hungry and realize that i can't buy eggs because the corner store is closed, and if it were open, i don't have the money for eggs right now anyway. if i ever plan on truly writing, i have to overcome my excuse to not write. i HAVE to write everyday. and i tell some people that i write as often as i can for the sake of the reader, and to an extent, thats true. but at the end of the day, i have to write for me. i have to be satisfied with my committment to writing. i have to go to bed happy.

and as for the motivation that i did not find here. as for the pictures and template that i wanted to change. thats bullshit. there are millions of books that have no pictures, no snappy presentations, no glitz, no glamour - just words. just beautiful, beautiful words. words have to create the meaning - not the other way around. fucking logos man. i chose to title this blogsite fourbladesofgrass for a number of reasons. first, because when one says "fourbladesofgrass", usually what comes to thought is four blades of grass. it's distinct, it's specific, it's vivid. it creates a pitcure in ones mind without the use of much desciption or adjective. it is direct. secondly, it is simple. there is no glitz or glamour. there are no mind-boggling graphics or life-defining pieces of art. "four blades of grass" isn't a concept that's difficult to conjure. it's not rocket science. it's really four blades of grass. one more than three. one less than five. it's simple. third, it's temporary. when one thinks "four blades of grass", they have to somehow picture four blades seperate from a field of grass. so whether its laying on a coffee table or growing from concrete or simply a patch emerging from dirt in the ground, there are only four blades. and over time, they will die. they may be seperated from one another by wind or rain. eaten by a dog or some toddler on a leash. they may meet winter sooner than expected in new york city. either way, they change and go on. and as such, i too shall change. this blog will go through it's shifts and styles just as four blades of grass. but it has to be natural, and not because i'm bored or impatient.

there are some more reasons, but those are the main. it couldn't be threebladesofgrass because the number three conveys too many deep thoughts of philosophy and religion. that would take away from the simpleness of it. and it couldn't have been fivebladesofgrass because that just looks funny.

so after it's all said and done. i sit and make myself write. whether it be on this blogsite or in a notebook, or on a napkin at mcdonalds. maybe one day i'll have my book. or not. that doesn't really matter though does it. i just want to go to bed happy.