harlem, homecoming, hoes, and delta

ok, yeah, it's been at least a week since i've been here for real. blame it on the cold that my body has been trying to catch. blame it on the kids that drive me to take naps as soon as i get home from work. blame it on my roommate/landlord that doesn't have a phone line in the apt. blame it on the weather (it's already winter here - shit!)

whatever your blame, it doesn't really matter, i've come to write about harlem, homecoming, hoes and delta. all of which i experienced in one day over the course of the last week.

let me begin by stating that all decisions i make are determined by three governing entities within my being. my brain, my heart, and my penis. everything. what should i eat tonight? should i ask this girl out to dinner? what movie should i see? how much should i put in the offering plate this sunday? are these socks clean enough to wear? every question is sent to the boardroom where the three sit at a round table. now that i'm 22 though, alot of decisions are already have a checklist. for instance, if i have to decide if a pair of socks are clean enough to wear - my brain wants to know if they have any bacterial growth on them that would threaten my health, my heart wants to know if i'm wearing them for any special reason, and my penis wants to know if i think i'm going to have to take off my shoes in front of a woman i'm trying to impress. it's that simple. more concrete decisions are sent to the boardroom with an intent to dilebrate for a while. majority wins.

so last wednesday i was out of school for a jewish holiday that i don't quite remember the name of (no offense). as i woke up, i called home and found out that my little sister (who was in the running for homecoming queen) was giving a speech that day and the family was going to the school to pass out roses with her name on it. i wanted to help. and being that my mom used to work for delta, i figured i could make a one day trip. so i packed my bags, threw on a suit and headed out the door to catch a flight. (those flying on standby under a relative's perks have to look presentable, hence the suit).

halfway down the block though, i realized i forgot my metrocard to take the bus to the airport. then, almost instantly after the first realization, i realized they were in my jeans pocket. then i realized that my jeans were packed in my backpack, which was on my back. i was relieved that i didn't have to walk back upstairs. it was beginning to look like a great day. yet, as i was searching through my bookbag, this lady saw me and asked if i just came out of the church. granted, i was standing in front of a church, and granted i had on a suit, so i could see her assumption as an authentic question. so i entertained it. i replied no, but as i looked at her, i saw that she had been crying. i assummed that something had happened in the church, and at that point got curious as to what had happened. so i said, "what's wrong? what happened in the chruch?"

she walked closer to me, and i could see what this was about to me. she wasn't exactly torn up, but you could see the imprints on her arms and the bloodshots in her eyes. she told me about how she went in the church to ask for some money to get a plate from the corner store, and they turned her away. she continued to rant about how her family grew up in the church and how she only needs $3.50, and blah blah blah...as a preachers kid i've heard it a thousand times. so yes, i'm being judgemental. nevertheless, i went in my wallet because i had the money to give. then, amongst her ramble, i heard her say, "damn! how am i gonna get $3.50?! i'm gonna have to go and suck some damn dick!!" so i say, "ha, no, don't go and do that..." and she says "why not..." so i look up from my wallet and see that she isn't even looking at me. this lady is staring at my dick! licking her lips! whispering, "all i need is $3.50"!!

(my brain says "well, reggie, $3.50 ain't a bad deal..." my heart says "aww, reggie, all she needs is some Jesus, sit down with her and tell her about the good Lord..." my penis looks up at me and says "what the fuck?!? are ya'll really fucking considering this chick?! fuck this reggie!! run! RUN!!!")

so i give her 2 bucks and jog to catch my bus. in the background i could hear her yelling that i only have her two dollars and asking if i'm sure i don't want to give her $3.50.

i never did make it to atlanta to help my sister. after paying $20 for a taxi, i get there and they tell me that i have to pay $40 one way to get on the standby list. something about me being independent now and not still in school. but i am still in school, so i 'll have to get it fixed later. nevertheless, i could have paid $80 for a round trip ticket to atlanta at 3:00pm. and considering that i would have gotten there after my little sister's speech, too late to pass out roses, just in time to take the take the next flight back to NY, and without my lady - brain, heart and penis said "it's not worth it".

so that day, i came back to good ol' harlem - where you can get a $20 cab ride to Laguardia Airport, a movie for $9.50, a soul food buffet for 6 bucks, and corner store head for three dollars and fifty cents.