the art of the holla

sunday, i saw a horny pigeon. the feathers around his neck were ruffled all the way up to his beak and he was continuously trying to jump on the smaller pigeon in front of him. he made noises that i can only describe as a grown man gargling mouthwash after accidentally tongue kissing his dog. vigourously, but patiently, he chased the smaller pigeon around on the sidewalk. it was like a puppy that was trying to carry something too big from one side of the room to the other, always dropping it, always picking it back up. after a number of attempts though, another pigeon passed him. this one didn't look much different from the last one, but he didn't seem to care. and with the most smooth transition i've ever seen a pigeon make, he simply took one step to the left and changed his goal. i don't even think he turned his head. it was as if he were on some invisible path. like it was planned. and like clockwork, he tried jump on top of the new pigeon, steady making that gargling noise under his ruffled feathers. after a number of fruitless attempts there though, he happened to come across a piece of bread. at that, his feathers went down, he took a step to the right and proceeded to have lunch.

yes, i stood there and watched it all.

a number of people passed me by in confusion. you just can't stand in the middle of a new york sidewalk, gawking at something on the ground. not in harlem. maybe in times square, or ground zero, or some other tourist spot. but not in front of old black women that are running late for church. i almost got shot by a deaconess. but needless to say, i found this whole episode interesting. i mean, i wasn't any different than the streets of human beings. this whole thing reminded me of some dude trying to holla a nice girl walking down the street as she ignores him. then, realizing he's not going to get anywhere with her, he tries to holla at the next one. then, realizing that she has her ipod turned all he way up, he says fuck it, and gets a slice of pizza. only to try it again after he finishes lunch.

it's the art of the holla.

i, personally, am not a fan of the "holla". my theory, as some already know well, is that it is like a impacting variable upon a given species, forcing them to adapt for their own survival. for example, lets say one introduces a particular pesticide to cockroaches, and the pesticide kills all the cockroaches in that population except for the one or two that survived. those two cockroaches then go and breed more cockroaches, only this new generation of cockroaches carries the gene that makes them immune to the old pesticide. its the same thing with the "holla". sure it may have worked in 1984. but the women that got duped by the "holla" off the street then ended up pregnant. now they tell their daughters, the new generation, not to fuck with those guys hollerin at them on the street because "they ain't shit". and needless to say, those guys hollerin on the street, are hollerin on the street - it ain't just one guy. so what momma is telling daughter proves true when one guy tries to holla at 128th st, two guys try to holla at 127th st, a woman tries to holla a 126th st, and a whole gang of fuckers try to holla on 125th and broadway. all these fuckin pigeons. and they'll do it to the cute girl walking not far behind as well.

so no, i'm not a fan of the "holla" because women, especially good looking women, are immune to the "holla". it's simply nature, a defense mechanism. the same reason why porcupines have needles, chameleons can camouflage, giraffes have long necks, warbler finches have narrow beaks, and bats have sonar is the same reason why good-looking women are immune to bullshit. it's adaptation. it's survival. it gets to the point where a woman rejects, not necessarily the dude, but she rejects the "holla". she has to. the dude may be a nice dude and is really genuinely interested. but what other choice does the woman have but to label him as another cat on the street tryin to holla, the same one momma told her not to pay attention to.

this does not really pertain to ugly women though, just for the record. if a guy hollas at you on the street, see what he's talking about, give him a chance. not meant to offend, only to advise.

so to recap, guys, don't be horny pigeons. true, the "holla" may work sometimes, but in my opinion, if there is no mutual flirtation, no hint of a chance, no eye contact, no smile, no touch, and no way in hell, don't push it. i think, that if a woman sees you, she let you know that she sees you. until that point, just keep the feathers down.