hbcu didn't have me

in hindsight, i didn't find myself at morehouse college. and this isn't to say that it wasn't an excellent school. it was. it is. and it is growing to be even better as time goes on.

but...

to repeat myself, i didn't find myself there. by that, i mean that i see the bonds and experiences and lives that have been born and nurtured in the atmosphere of hbcu. i see the frendships and the brotherhood/sisterhood that was manifested in the hisorically black community. i see that. i see that now just as i saw that then. i see the frats and the secret societies and the freshman dorm cliques and the party hoppers and the city representers. i hear the party stories, the romance gossip, the political whispers, the cultural rallies, the spoken word artists, and the religious orators. i see that and hear that now. just as i saw it and heard it then.

i've been out of morehouse for six months now. and i still see and hear all of this. i am constantly reminded of the spiritual bond that should have taken place; hence, i am constanly reminded that it didn't. it just didn't. i do not share the same excitement as my peers about homecoming. or going back for graduation. or going to the alumni parties. or tapping into the hbcu network here in NY. and the worst thing about it is that i don't know why.

i made friends in the AUC (spelman, clark, and mo-b), and i love them all dearly. i formed brotherships (if that's a word) at morehouse, and i'd die for those guys. i would. maybe not a horrific death - but i'd take a bullet. i have made alot of friends over my time at undergrad and enjoy seeing them and being in heir company. i like hanging around the school and riding by to see how things have changed. i'll even go as far to say that morehouse has influenced my life and the man i am and am growing to become.

but i didn't find myself there.

sometimes thats frustrating because alot of brothers did find themselves there. alot of sisters found themselves at spelman. overall, i believe, alot of African American young adults find themselves at hbcu's. they find that group that they belong to, causes to believe in, and movements they can contribute to. on an even grander scale, young adults in general tend to find themselves in college. or at least find out that they won't discover themselves there and transfer, or drop-out, or get married. after four years and a diploma, the only thing that i've found out though, is that i'm not where i thought i was going to be.

and so i search. different cities. different jobs. different experiences.
until i come across the right combination to make me feel whole.

how does someone find completion? how do we find ourselves?