going to bed now

i was just speaking to cuzn wes on the phone and happened to come by "the truman show" playing on TBS. i then made the comment, "wow, wes, can you imagine your entire world being fake, and then one day, literally coming to the end of it only to step into another reality?" and then wes replied, "yeah, isn't that what Christianity is all about??"

i just thought i'd share that.

as for the movies i wanted to talk about. i don't anymore. sorry, thats just the nature of the beast. this is free-writing, i'm not obligated to write about anything that i don't want to.

i am tired though. as i often am when i finally make my way to bed each night. when did we get like this? when did adulthood sneak up on our youthfulness? i remember a time when i used to fight sleep. when my parents couldn't get me to bed without a shot of scotch and a boiled egg. and now, i leave work for the sole purposes of going to bed. as a matter of fact, i'd go as far to say that i probably wouldn't even leave work if my bed wasn't at home. i haveto eat differently now that i'm conscious that food affects my mood. i have to carry myself differently now that i'm conscious that i live in the country as the people i work with. i have to give a damn, where most of my life i have not.

adulthood is like a fucking thief in the night.

but it had to be that way though. i'm not mad. who would willingly accept adulthood in its entirety. yeah, we would love to just accept the right to boss kids around, make our own decisions, live outside of parental rule, come in when we want, and spend money how we choose...but at the end of the day, we are still victims of restriction. thats life. and when i get older, i'll realize that i was never really trying to break free from the parental rule and confines of youth. no, on the contrary, i will soon realize that, my entire life, i've been trying to break free from the same restrictions that hold me back now. i still can't stay out as late as i want, i still have to eat my fucking veggies, i still have to go to bed early.

that's life.

and one can only break away from life one time (that i know of) and that's all. personally, i'm not ready to make that leap. but when i'm old and fed up of the restriction bullshit, i'll just let go and die.

have a nice day.