fighting the weather

a friend of mine just got "broken up with". as of now, i believe he's out fighting for the relationship. determined, he exclaimed to me, "i'm not going to let her leave me, i'm not going to let her go".

and it's interesting. it's interesting on a personal level because i've been having all types of relationship questions on my mind as of lately. initially i blamed it on the weather - you know, the new heat, women wearing less, more people holding hands and going out in public kissing all on each other - that kind of stuff. the kind of stuff that makes you wonder about your own personal life and whether it measures up to the spring flings that you see on the street.

but with further observation, blaming the weather is a scapegoat.

it's convenient, blaming the weather, or anything else for that matter. it may just be me. the questions running through my head all point to different things, but upon further inspection may be pointing to the same concept. you see, the very same thing my friend is going through, i've been debating in my own mind. when does one fight for their relationship, verses letting it go? when is it time to leave in the first place, verses toughing it out? when is it appropriate to move on? and then, move on to what? the same? someone totally different? should the next be a fling? or something genuine? real? potential? how long should one spend by themselves, reflecting on stupid relationship questions when they should really be out on the town with their homeboys? how does one know what he or she is doing is right, verses wrong? how do we know we're following destiny verses fighting it? how do we make decisions concerning our heart when we don't understand ourselves?

today i've watched serendipity, followed by elizabethtown. both by myself. and then i got this disturbing news about my friend. bear with me. i'm really trying to rap my head around this. a while ago, i mentioned that i had never really been alone the way i have for the last few months. so now, i'm wrestling with the idea that it may be time for something to happen. but what? i don't know if i want to move forward or backward. i don't know whether i want to be serious or casual. and to be perfectly honest, i don't know if i even want to make a move at all.

i just know how i want to feel.

as a sidenote here, did you know that the term "scapegoat" is of biblical reference? i sure didn't. it turns out that the term refers to a goat that was sent out into the wilderness after the Jewish chief priest had symbolically laid the sins of the people upon it. check Leviticus.

and so, though my focus on schoolwork, job, and organization has greatly increased, i am confident that i can't leave well enough alone. we'll see. as for my friend. i dunno. i hope the best for him and his situation. maybe the fight will work out for him in the end. maybe that's all any relationship ever needs - a reason to fight. a reminder of what you have and the passion needed to sustain it.

but considering that will just start up a whole new bunch of questions.